It's been so long since the last time I tried to write something for myself and for those that I love,not for class. It's been long enough that I almost forgot how much I've loved to write. People say that it's really hard to give up on a habit. I say it's true and untrue. If I try, I can actually still remember how much I've loved to write at high school. My mom used to put the computer in the living room just in case I got distracted so that I always study till midnight and then sneaked out of my room to turn the computer on. In order not to let my parents notice me, I had to keep the light off. And then I'll continue the story I had been writing back then. I loved the feeling of writing novels, it's like I am the outsider and the insider at the same time. I could be the outsider, build up relationship between that girl and that boy and watch them fall in love, the love that's as sweet as honey, and then make them break up so that the story ends up becoming a love sorrow, or "bitter sweet" as some people would call it. I could also be an insider, I imagine I am the character that I am writing, I experience all the sweet and sorrow as I am them. In the darkest, my soul was so free that I could see it come out of my body and dance around me. Okay that sounds quite freaky, I agree. Anyways, all I am trying to say is that writing has always been one of my habits. And then I stopped writing. I didnt stop it in a suddenly, otherwise I'd have already noticed it. I just started to write less and less so that finally there was one day, I stopped writing. So my habit of writing became a habit of not to write at all. Until...Until the other day, I was writing for my favorite class, Understanding of Religion by Dr.Middleton, the topic was "A Grave That You'd Like To Visit". I was so interested in the topic that I could not stop writing it. And then this old feeling, this special joy coming out, I suddenly remembered how much I've loved writing. It's like a kid suddenly found his old lost toy; it's like an old lady suddenly found the engaged ring that she's lost for a long time---the joy of getting back the things you've lost,oh that joy!!
You would think that I'd start writing right away after that but I didnt. Because "I dont have time to"---that same boring , common excuse.
What really made me want to start this blog to write again is, well, I should have said "who" instead of "what"---anyways, who really made me want to start writing again? God did. Since the day I started seeking God, I have had so many amazing or rather magical stories happened to me. I've tried to tell share stories to my friends, believers and non-believers but I can never describe the story as well as I wish it could be. Also, the dangerous of being a story-teller rather than a story-writer is that one day when you want to look back and read those stories you've told people, you dont even have anything to read because you dont have any of them written down. I got really scared and I asked myself, what if I get really really old one day that I couldnt remember anything or what if I suddenly lost all my memories? Would I still be able to remember those love marks that God's given me? Like tonight, I wrote some emails to couple members from the International Christian fellowship at my hometown, asked them for their permission to attend their worship this summer. I was really worried if they'd give me the permission since our government has pretty strict policies with religions. What really surprises me is that one of them responded me, told me that I am welcomed to join them and also, told me that both of his wife and him are from Fort Worth ,where Im living in currently. It's such a blessing for me because I didnt have any Christian friends back home and I found it extremely hard to keep my faith strong without being with my Christian sisters and brothers and attending church. And I got to know someone who is not only a Christian but also a Texan!!When I read that, I almost screamed out loud and I actually shout out loud---"Oh My Gosh God is real!!! He is real!!!"(thank God my roommates are out for spring break). So I think it would be great to write this down so that I could share it with others, believers and non-believers and maybe, maybe someone would actually read it and think thats exactly what she or he needs. It's also a great reminder for myself, like how those Israelites immediately started doubting God after God freed them from being slaves, I always keep forgetting those great works God's done in my life and those blessing he's been giving me and start doubting him once awhile. So having those writing down could really keep reminding what God's done in my life and how grateful I should be.
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