From Guys-Focused Chaos to God-Focused Life

It's been more than a month since I posted my last blog. Many things could happen in a month, some may fall in love, some may lost someone, and some, may like me, just continually repeating each day, going to classes, doing school work, hanging out with friends, cramming for tests, until someone walks into your life and sparks your heart, and your life. Your heart is filled up with love, passion and excitement because of this one man, he is your love and your life, he is that soul-mate you've been looking for since your were a little girl---blue eyes, blonde hair, when he smiles, the whole world shines. You guys start to date, everything seems so beautiful, every corner of the city is filled up with love and romance. You guys are deeply in love, he kissed you, bended his knees, tells you that he loves you dearly and he wants to marry you. Of course you said yes, you have been waiting for this moment for so long. Your eyes are full of tears and everything else around you becomes glazing, all you can see is him. You guys get married and live happily after.

Does this sound familiar? Not only the scene that has been in almost all the Hollywood movies, also, it's also been in almost all the girls' dreams, admit it.

I said "almost all the girls", so yes, of course I am included.

As a Christian, I know that not only God's given me all I need, HE IS ALL I NEED. I try so hard to be that Proverbs 31 woman. I do not sleep around, I do not get drunk, I try to work hard, I try to smile all the time and love everybody around me, but in fact, the sinful seed in the deepest side of my heart, has never stopped screaming, desiring things that I don't have. The fact is, sometimes I feel that Jesus is NOT ENOUGH for me and I WANT MORE. It's Feb. 16th, two days after Valentine's day. When I say "I want more", you know what I am talking about, yes, a guy. Instead of trusting God and waiting for him to bring us the other half, many of us like to wonder around and get all frustrated about guys all the time.

"Why didn't he text me?"
"Was that a date?"
"Does he like me? Then Why doesn't he make a move?"
"I am pretty/skinny/tall/short enough for him?"
"Should I comment on his facebook?"
"Should I text him first or wait for him to text me first this time since I texted him last time?"

Ya, I know, we've all been there.

So the question is, since when, do we women need guys to be happy? What's so magical about guys that we just can't stop thinking up them? Well, I guess as human, we naturally crave being accompanied, God said "it is not good for human to be along.". Our broken hearts keeps us alive in this broken world and we are so broken that we want to find someone to fill up that emptiness. Somehow we believe that everything is going to be so perfect when that perfect guy shows up. Hollywood makes relationship sounds like it is full of romance, kisses and happiness, so when girls dream about relationship, that's all we can think of.

Ya, of course we want going on a date, holding hands, looking into each others' eyes through the warm candle light, kissing on the downtown street with music around like nobody is watching. The part we ignored is that those "perfect boys", they are broken too. Relationship is NOT all about love and kiss, there is more than that, tears, pain and the ultimate brokenness. And remind me who is that one person that will ALWAYS hold our hands, not just look into our eyes but able to look into our souls and hearts, gave up his own life for our freedom and happiness? That boy in your English class or the guy who always seats beside you at church? NO! It's JESUS!!

Jesus gave up his LIFE for US so WE are able to have the happiness and everlasting life. It is HIS BLOOD that made us WHITE LIKE SNOW. It is HIM that brings us JOY. It is HIM who promised us that He will ALWAYS be with us till the end of the age. It is in HIM, that we could just completely relax, be satisfied, and be joyful.

Romance is wonderful, but GOD, who created romance is GREATER. HE knows when is the best timing for us to date, and until then, HE will be preparing our hearts and their hearts, so when it is time, HE will deliver those guys to our life. We'll meet, we'll fall in love and when time gets hard, we'll learn to cooperate and comfort each other and continually walk towards God, our ultimate lover.

So girls, it's OKAY if that guy doesn't disappear and never talk to you again after your first date; it is OKAY that he broke up with you; it is OKAY that he never texts you back---because God has a plan for us and when it is time, HE will lead us finding each other and falling in love. He'd be delighted to hear us saying "I do" on the white carpet and to watch us walking together towards HIM. And it is going to be so beautiful and WORTH WAITING FOR.

Until then, give your HEART to HIM and focus on HIM alone.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

SMILE, Because Jesus is on Your Side

Before I became Christian, I thought being positive means "always try to find the good side in the bad things" but then I realized that it is just not possibly sometimes. There were so many things happened in 2012, many lost their friends, family and property in the Sandy, many got extremely disappointed over presidential election, many cried over the death of those sweet little angels at Sandy Hook Elementary school...It is hard for us to see any goodness in these things with our own eyes. And it sounds crazy but I am thinking, maybe, I say maybe, it is actually a good thing that we are reminded again and over again how messed up this world is and how helpless and heart-broken we could be because then we could stop looking around and look up.

Before I became Christian, I thought everything has to be "just right" and I got very frustrated worrying about the possibilities of being "not just right". 

Am I going to get into that class if I am on the waiting list now? What if I cannot get in? What if he thinks what I just said was stupid? What if this is not the right major for me? What if I cannot graduate on time? What if I cannot find a job? What if I can never find the right guy to marry? I was surrounded by all these "What if...?"everyday, not noticing that I was not the one who is in control of these things at all.

 Let me share something with you guys...I was once a music education major before I switched my major. I switched not because I wanted to but because my professor told me that I was "not good enough to be a music teacher". I felt extremely upset and disappointed because for the whole time, I thought that was what I should do. I planned out every little details of what I'm going to do after graduating------here is the problem---I thought it is totally God's plan for me to be a music teacher but deep inside, I thought everything is in MY control and I could just get wherever I want to go if I do what I've planned out. It is all about "I" and "MY". So God flipped my plan and made me realizing that I was not the one who is in control at all. I started to trusting him rather than trusting myself, I prayed that God will comfort my heart and keep me encouraged after I was told "You are not good enough to..."

And guess what, God sent me a new professor to me last semester, who thinks I am actually a wonderful musician and I shouldn't be discouraged by some people's words. He told me that "It is not that you cannot play the violin, it is that you THINK you cannot play. It is ALL in your head, girl! Stop worrying and let it go, you could be a wonderful musician!" And with all his encouragement and help, at the end of last semester, I passed my audition for music education program and was told by the rest of the music faculties that "it was unbelievable how much you have improved". Although I ended up deciding not to switch back to music education major due to some personal reasons, it was such a comfort and encouragement to know I could actually do it. 

My new encouraging professor has been such a blessing and definitely an answer of my prayers. The whole experience has made me noticing that I am NOT the one who is in control and there is NO reason to worry about things because GOD has promised that HE has A PLAN for me and HE will hold my hand to walk through everything and anything, no matter it is lightness or darkness, rough places or level ground. I can finally be smiling and laughing while walking instead of worrying because I know the darkness will be lighted and rough places will become level ground with Jesus on my side.

Again, this might sound crazy for you but maybe, I say maybe, it is a good thing that your plan messed up, that you get frustrated that you feel like you are not in control, because then you could actually stop looking around and start looking up. 

2013, SMILE, because Jesus is on your side.